I met my current partner online but due to the distance between us – an ocean, in fact! – we didn’t meet up face to face for over a year. Even then there have been several periods of three or four months spent apart. I think I’m well qualified, therefore, to give a few hints on how to keep a long-distance relationship strong.
- Communicate – often, and in lots of different ways. Text messaging and emails have immediacy and be sent on the spur of the moment. Phone calls let you hear your beloved’s voice again. And a letter or card carries that frisson of holding in your hands something that they held too, as well as being something physical you can add to your box of mementos.
- Share things that you think your long-distance partner would like: a link to a song online, or an article about a subject that interests you. My partner and I are history buffs, so we pass links to articles on history websites and on archaeological discoveries. I think of it as the online equivalent a couple sitting on the sofa together and one showing the other something that will pique their interest.
- Share things that simply make you smile. Nothing beats watching a lovely sunset hand in hand with your partner, but snapping it on your phone’s camera and sending it to them comes a good second, letting you share that moment at a distance. Memories of such moments when you are simply happy together are a foundation for a strong relationship and something to think back on through the rough patches, so build these memories. Plenty of them.
- Share things that make you laugh out loud. Laughing together creates a bond.
- Share things that hold special meaning for the both of you as a couple. This might be texting your partner to tell them you’re listening to the song that was playing when you last went out together in person. In my case, I have a fond memory of a ladybird alighting on my partner’s arm as we cycled through France and staying on for almost a mile. She showed me at the time, so now when I see a ladybird I think of her and as often as not I’ll send her a message to let her know. (The ladybird also pooped on her arm before it flew off, so this could fall under laughing together as well!)
- Talk about your day and what’s going on in your life. Many couples do this when they come home from work, so there’s no reason not to do it long distance too now that texting and emails will let us.
- Share your frustrations and learn to lean on one another for comfort even across the miles. This is a tricky one, because if too much is going wrong then the other partner can become frustrated at not being able to help more directly.
- Buy each other the occasional present. This is where online shopping is a godsend. By ordering through Amazon in my partner’s country I can send her a little something without the cost, hassle and delay of international shipping. Of course there are also times when you do want to buy the item and send it yourself to make it that bit more personal.
- Don’t neglect intimacy. Let your partner know that they turn you on. This is a bit harder (pun not intended, but I’m keeping it in anyway!) than in a face to face relationship, especially if you are uncomfortable putting your feelings into words. If you are comfortable doing that, then the options are wide open: telephone sex (sounds corny, but don’t knock it) or simply talking cheekily, the occasional naughty photo (doesn’t have to be explicit – a lifted hem with a flash of ankle can be intensely erotic). I’ve even tried recording myself reading naughty stories and emailing them to my partner. Whatever keeps the fizz alive until you next meet.
I hope these points will help those of you who have to go through periods of living away from your beloved, though you might well have other strategies and tips of your own. If so, then why not share them here too?